


The Dursley's Go "All You Can Eat"

by Rachel7and13



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: All you can eat, Gen, Humor, The Dursley's eat nonstop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:35:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28732053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rachel7and13/pseuds/Rachel7and13
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen to the Dursley's in an all you can eat restaurant? Well, I have and I thought it would go something like this...Rated T for safety.
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

Harry was bored. He was usually bored what with living in a cupboard all his life. So when you have all this experience with being bored, you learn how to occupy time with nothing more than what you have; and in Harry’s case, that would be almost nothing. 

So he came up with little things to do. For example, sometimes he watched specks of dust float around the air. The trick was to keep your eye on the same speck and not get it confused with the others. Harry was very good at it. Even in the times of minuscule lightings.

Other things Harry found that helped keep the boredom at bay were straining his memory for some sign of his parents. That or he would let his imagination wander. Wander and take him away to a life that wasn’t his own; a life where a no one like him could be special. 

At the moment, however, he was 'playing' his speck game as he called it. Harry was on the verge of breaking his own record for the longest time of keeping his eye on one single speck when there was a loud sharp rapping sound on his door. The vibrating on the empty excuse for a room caused Harry to lose his speck, and he scowled in frustration and anger. 

His uncle was the reason he was bored enough to watch a speck of dust for over 17 hours straight. His record was 18 and a half. 

"Oi" came his uncle’s booming voice from the other side of the small door. Harry could just see in his mind’s eye the purple face contorting over nothing more than having to speak to Harry. The feeling was mutual, but Harry, being as he was forced to do just about everything he did, sighed and pushed his anger aside. It was how he functioned. When he was too tired or hungry he used his emotions that were previously suppressed to replace the amount of needed energy to complete the task he was forced upon. 

"Yeah!" Harry said not fighting to keep the anger out of his voice anymore.

“We’re going out,” Uncle Vernon said. “Now" he added. 

It was what happened every time the Dursleys went somewhere. Harry sighed again, deeper this time. He was just turning over to get up properly without hitting his head when he realized that his uncle was still at the door. Harry could see the shadows of his feet which he was on the balls of. It looked as though he were stealing himself to do something. This was just not how things worked here. 

Was there something wrong Harry wondered? The door open and his uncle’s fat mustache covered face usurped the doorway. 

He was holding up a hanger with what Harry was shocked to see was clothing his size. Uncle Vernon threw it at him and bellowed, "Go on then. Put it on." 

Harry stared at it, not daring to believe it. He picked it up cautiously as if it were a cat he loved but feared it would strike. The texture was soft and new. New! It was the first time in Harry's life that he ever got new clothes. Had he been in his cupboard longer than he thought? Was it July and not January? 

"Well boy! What are you waiting for; Christmas?" Uncle Vernon roared. “Get a move on.” 

Harry didn’t know what was going on, but the second the door closed he eagerly put on his, dare he say it, new clothes. He was burning to ask what was going on. He always thought he was lucky just to have not gotten Dudley’s diapers second hand but clothing just for him? 

He wished he had a mirror. He had gotten black corduroy pants that, for the first time in his life, didn’t require a belt to hold it up, and a simple dark blue button-down shirt. Just as he fastened the last button the door opened again. His aunt was there this time. She didn’t even say anything to him. She just pulled him by his arm with a scowl. 

"We’re going to be late" she mumbled more to herself than to Harry. 

"Late,” Harry risked. “Late to where?" 

Aunt Petunia glared at him with pursed lips. 

"How many times do I have to tell you don’t ask questions?" she yelled, reminding Harry a little of the man she married. It was scary how much they were alike sometimes. 

"I’m......sorry Harry," she said trying to pull his now aching arm. She was a lot stronger than she looked. His aunt continued to pull Harry through the house and out the door. 

"I can go to Miss Fig myself," he said proudly. Though, they already knew this. He had been going himself since he was six years old. 

Not even bothering to look at her nephew she said, "You’re not going there. Now come on" she snapped. 

Harry couldn’t believe it. Not only was he not, repeat, not going to his batty old neighbor’s house. But he was going out somewhere with new clothes. Today was a good day indeed. 

Now if I can only manage not making the Dursley’s mad at me for once, he thought with a pang. Harry got onto the Dursley’s new car for the first time in his life. He was having a lot of thoughts today. The car was a self treat courtesy of uncle Vernon’s new promotion, a sleek new Chevy Impala. The inside was quite as nice as the out Harry thought, but inside was white, leather set covers, whereas the outside was just black. Still, it was worth it even if he was sitting in the back with a screaming Dudley. 

Harry was ignoring him, which was an incredible feat considering how loudly he was yelling and kicking the seats with his overlarge feet. 

Staring out the window as the car pulled out, Harry’s stomach did a kind of flip. He didn’t really care where he was going, but being in public with the Dursley’s was the safest way to be around them in Harry’s option. They never did anything in front of other people to make them think ill of them, and yelling and/or hitting Harry counts as both. That and it was just so nice to not spend another day at school then go right to his cupboard. 

For the better part, they drove in silence. Aunt Petunia had managed the impossible and gotten Dudley to sit still by promising him five new computer games. Dudley smiled wickedly the whole time, but for once Harry didn’t care. 

The window was open and Harry leaned his head slightly out of it so his hair whipped around freely in the wind. His face, so used to the stuffy air of his cupboard, thanked him with a cool pink tinge creeping up his face. 

But Harry never felt better. He decided right there and then that he loved the wind. He loved it more than ever when it was whipping against his face drowning out everything. All sound, all feelings, all thoughts. Harry just sat there relaxed for a while with a smile to match Dudley’s; another first for his life. How’s that for one day, he thought with something akin to glee. 

They stopped at a traffic light and Harry thought he heard someone say his name. He looked around at the Dursley’s for the first time since opening the window, but none of them even acknowledged his presence; nothing shocking there. Feeling he must have imagined it he went back to staring out the window. 

There was a car next to them; a very old rusted car too. His uncle wouldn’t even like it on their block, but the strange thing wasn’t the car’s age and ability to still work when it looked like a soft breeze would knock it over. No, the weird thing was the station wagon had about what must have been nine people in it; and they were all sitting comfortably, and they all had flaming red hair. 

The boy closest to the window was staring at Harry. His eyes glued to his forehead. Harry was suddenly very self-conscious about his hair. He peeked a glance in the rearview mirror and found that the wind had made it stick up more than usual. The redheaded boy was staring at Harry’s lightning bolt scar with something that looked remarkably like awe. 

The light changed, but the car was still in sync with uncle Vernon’s. The boy looked away from Harry to tell the rest of the car something. Harry didn’t know what, but the next second everyone in the car (except the redheaded man behind the wheel, but even he was sneaking glances) was staring at Harry with the same expression as the other boys. Harry looked away. It was all just too weird a day for this. 

What was craziest of all was they all looked like they knew him. When Uncle Vernon’s car made a left turn at the next light the other car remained going straight. 

"Good" Harry breathed. He didn’t like the way they were staring at him. He never liked attention all that much. The only kind he got was all trouble. He had enough of that. He wasn’t sure but he could have sworn he heard one of the boys in the car yell out, ‘Harry Potter’ before the wind took over Harry’s ears again, but when the car stopped again he had to face something much worse. Apparently uncle Vernon had heard them say his name too, ruling out imagination. His great face, now an angry violet, craned around in his seat better to glare at Harry. 

“How the bloody hell do those people know you,” he bellowed, rage consuming him.   
Bracing himself for the worst Harry answered with the truth. 

He took a deep breath and said, “I wish I knew.” His voice betrayed his emotions a lot more than he wanted it to. Fear, confusion, and frustration. He was just as stumped as his uncle. 

To his vast surprise, his uncle turned back around at the change in light and didn’t say another word. Harry was now speechless. There was just no way that this was all real. He must have fallen asleep dust watching again. 

Harry pinched himself just to double-check and almost cried out in shock. Not because it hurt but because it meant that he wasn’t dreaming. Unfortunately, Dudley saw Harry’s pathetic little attempt to hurt himself. 

“I can help you with that,” Dudley sneered. He raised his fat arm giving Harry a hard punch to the stomach. Harry felt the wind get knocked out of him. Gasping for breath, he heard his uncle say from the driver's seat, “Atta boy Dudders,” with a chuckle. 

Harry grimaced but went back to the window hoping for closure. Just as he was about to re-experience the joy of the wind refreshing his senses, the car stopped in a parking lot. Gritting his teeth Harry and the Dursleys got out of the car. 

You’ll get it again on the way back, he told himself over and over. There was a restaurant with a large sign covering most of the front stained glass window. It read in large white letters, Sunday, September 1st all you can eat special. Harry had to fight very hard not to put his hands to his face and groan. He managed it, but it was a close thing. This wasn’t going to end well.


	2. So Many Firsts in The Life of Harry Potter

His Uncle led them all through the stained-glass doors. They opened with a soft ding coming from the bell above their heads. 

The place was.... nice, Harry thought. 

There were tables upon tables covering almost every inch of the tan tiled floor. Ceiling fans hovered over almost every single table. In the cooling air of September, they were currently all off. 

They walked on over to the largest table in the place. A bunch of small square tables pushed together. 

The first thing that really caught Harry's attention was the wonderful aroma of food penetrating the air. 

Harry’s smile was back on full force. Aunt Petunia never let him eat all he wanted. Not that Harry ever ate that much. 

He never really thought his aunt was that good of a cook anyway. He much rather make his own food than eat hers. Harry had a sneaking suspicion that the rest of the Dursleys did too. They always asked Harry to do the cooking over Petunia. His Aunt just shrugged it off, claiming that she had enough to do as it was. Then she went on about how if Harry was to eat their food, he was to contribute.

The chatter in the air was light with laughter as they moved into four empty chairs among the largest table. 

Harry could see now that it was full of big businessmen just like his uncle. 

Harry knew that the Dursleys often went to business to get-togethers but why was he here? There were only two possible reasons he could think of. The first was that Misses Fig couldn’t take him. The second being, these people knew about Harry somehow and Uncle Vernon didn’t want them to think that Harry was being abused. He could only guess which one was correct, but it was hard to dwell with the presence of so much available food. 

The men looked up from the table to greet the new arrivals.

“Ah Mr. Dursley,” said a big, important-looking man. “How nice of you to make it with your family. Please enjoy the all you can eat buffet. it's all paid for of course.” 

This man gave Harry the impression of Uncle Vernon in every way possible. it was a horrid thought. One of his uncles was bad enough, but two? Harry suppressed a shudder with difficulty. 

The intoxicating smell of the surrounding food made Harry want to drool slightly. 

He was just wondering if it was possible for him to try and sneak some when the same man said, “the four of you please have a seat and eat whatever you like." 

Harry couldn’t believe it. He almost opened his mouth in shock. Things like this just did not happen to you if your name was Harry James Potter. 

It was too good to be true, he told himself. Don’t get your hopes up, don’t whatever you do, do that. 

But it was very hard to oblige as he took a chair next to Dudley. Then just as he sat down, the Dursleys got up again. They walked over to a table full of pans with wick fuel cans underneath them. Next to them piled high all kinds of china and cutlery. 

Harry watched as the Dursleys took plates and started to load them up from the help yourself pans. 

Feeling foolish, Harry got up from his chair as well and went to join them. When his uncle saw that Harry had a plate too, he grimmest but otherwise didn’t say anything. Harry took that to mean that he was in for the best meal of his life. 

He was only once before really full. His smile deepened as he remembered the way he felt. So content and sleepy. He couldn’t eat another bite if he had wanted to. He was going to have that again. For the second time in his nine years of life, Harry was going to have that wonderful feeling. 

He started to pile his plate with everything he could see. Most of the things he had never even heard of before let alone have tasted. So, Harry, fingers trembling slightly, took a bit of everything. 

When he looked up to his utter amazement, he saw that Dudley had so much food on his plate that it was falling over the edges. Dudley was holding it balanced with his fat sausage-like fingers. While cradling it like a baby, he brought it back to the table. 

Uncle Vernon had the same if not more than Dudley, as he too carried it back to their shared table. When they sat down, Harry and Petunia were still watching them by the pans of food. His aunt's lips were pert, and Harry could swear she was very very slightly embarrassed. 

This was a day for the record books. Aunt Petunia embarrassed. 

She stopped staring and turned to get her own plateful, or in her case, quarter full. But Harry couldn’t look away. He was transfixed by a desire to see how his Uncle's business mates took this. He was not disappointed. When they had resumed their settings the rest of the table fell silent. Some literally opened their mouths in shock. Dudley and Uncle Vernon didn’t seem to be able to see anything but their newly acquired food. They didn’t seem to even notice how the table went still and silent. 

Dudley and Uncle Vernon raised their forks with the impression of two guys who had not eaten in weeks. They started shoveling it into their over large mouths. 

When Harry was sure he had taken a small amount of everything, he too went to join the table. He noticed with amusement that he still had far less than Dudley and Uncle Vernon. The moment he sat down, the awkward silence that had started from the disbelief that anyone could eat that much and not explode, evaporated as if the scraping of Harry's chair brought them all back to their senses. 

“So, who is this young lad you have brought with you, Vernon”, a particularly porky man asked. Harry noticed that just about all of them seemed extremely fat. Harry wondered how often they did this whole, all you can eat thing. It seemed a lot. Harry wondered how they weren’t all used to the Dursley’s antics by now? Surely this wasn’t the first time they were all invited to one of these things. Not that Harry would know. 

“This?” Vernon said, clapping Harry on his back extra hard for a warning. The man nodded. 

“This is my neighbor’s kid. They had to go out on a family emergency, and they had nowhere else to take him”, Uncle Vernon said in a falsely sweet tone. 

His hand that never left Harry's shoulder clenched painfully making his uncle's fingernails dig into him. Harry fought hard not to wince. He wished he had not sat between Uncle Vernon and Dudley. 

The man raised his eyebrows in question but otherwise made no comment to what his uncle said. Uncle Vernon must have thought that the lie played outright and went back to his overflowing plate. 

“So nice to see new blood at the business table.” He reached over his hand (almost knocking over the water glass of his neighbor) for Harry to shake. Harry took it quickly not wanting to give his uncle a reason to say he misbehaved. 

“I’m Dan Radcliffe,” said the man Uncle Vernon had been speaking to. Harry smiled back wondering why that name was so familiar. 

“Harry Potter,” he said kindly as he shook Dan’s hand. 

“Well, this is Rick,” Dan pointed to the guy whose glass he almost knocked over. 

“Nice to meet you,” Rick smiled with a wave of his hand. Harry nodded his head in acknowledgment. Rick had grey hair with a stud earring made of diamond, it shone brightly in the light of the place, transforming landing beams into a disco ball. 

Harry thought it was funny, he had never seen a guy wear an earring before. He knew there were girls in his class who had them. but still, Harry found himself feeling more at ease than he expected while surrounded by his “Uncle's kind”. 

While Rick seemed to take steps to stand out Dan was the exact opposite. His hair was light black with greyish eyes. He was wearing his suit buttoned to the collar. Neatness was obviously high on his list of priorities. Harry preferred Rick's style. His suit jacket was open and his tie askew. 

“So Harry,” Rick said, “we know absolutely nothing about you. So, care to enlighten us.” 

His Uncle finally looked up from his plate to glance at Harry who sighed. 

“Well, my parents died in a car crash,” Harry muttered in answer to Rick's question. 

“Sorry,” he asked Rick kindly. 

“My parents died in a car crash and...er... I live with my relatives now.” Harry wasn’t sure why he said that. He wasn’t an interesting person, and no one ever asked about him before. He wasn’t sure what to say. What was someone supposed to say when someone asked you to talk about yourself? 

Just then Uncle Vernon stood up. Harry tried his best not to let fear show on his face. But his Uncle's eyes never left his plate. He pulled out from the table with difficulty. the little plastic chairs groaned under the release of the immense weight. Then he picked up his plate which Harry was astounded to see was empty. He got up and walked over to the food once again. Phew. Today wasn’t just strange. Today, Harry had somehow become bulletproof. 

“So that must be really sad losing your parents like that,” Dan said hurriedly. He interrupted Harry’s powerful thoughts, dragging reality back down. 

Harry got the impression that as long as they focused on him, they could then and only then resist the urge to laugh at his uncle. 

So maybe business is not that interesting to adults either.

He shrugged in response and said in a stronger tone, “well I was only one when it happened.” 

Harry’s eyes were following his Uncle. He was piling another plate full of food. 

Harry looked away in disgust. He glanced at his own plate and with a small start, realized that he didn’t even touch it. Harry’s stomach rumbled hungrily as if it could see the kind of food that was about to go in it. He picked up his fork and began to eat. Harry was right in thinking he was in for the treat of his life. The food tasted phenomenal. It was way better than anything he could cook up. 

Harry closed his eyes with contentment, enjoying his taste buds exploding with pleasure. His brain exploded with ideas already, on ways that he could improve his own cooking. Who put rosemary on beef? Genius. 

“Only one and so young indeed. Very nice of your relatives to take you in,” he said, giving Harry a warm smile. 

Harry nearly choked. 

“That’s very true,” said Uncle Vernon’s voice next to Harry. “He is very lucky they didn’t take him to an orphanage.”

Harry started; he hadn’t noticed his uncle's return to the table. Harry felt his mouth open in shock. Once he realized it, he closed it quickly, face growing slightly hot. His Uncle had, if possible, even more food than before. 

This time Dan looked away in disgust. His eyes trailed back to his plate, which Harry was surprised to see was just about as untouched as his own. 

Harry noticed something else too for the first time. Not counting Aunt Petunia, he and Dan were the only thin people at the table. He wondered how he didn’t see it before. Maybe he was new or something. Or maybe Dan just didn’t like eating as much as the other guys did. Even Rick was on the chubby side, though he wasn’t near as fat as the other men. Uncle Vernon fit right in with these people. 

Harry shifted uncomfortably and tried to pay attention to his food as a poor attempt to steer the conversation away from him. He took a small bite of each thing on his plate, feeling so happy he could cry. But of course, he didn’t dare. He didn’t want his uncle to see him. 

“And so nice of Vernon to take you out with his family for dinner,” Dan said, inclining his head towards Harry’s uncle.

“I mean, who else just takes out the poor neighbor’s kid, Vernon, I had no idea,” chimed in a dark-skinned man sitting next to Dan. 

Uncle Vernon beamed with pride. “That’s right,” he said gruffly. He puffed out his chest and clapped a food-stained hand on Harry’s shoulder again, staining his brand-new clothes. Harry fought hard to keep his face passive. How had he misjudged Dan so badly? 

“Us Dursley’s are always helping out those less fortunate. In Fact, I take it as a civic duty. Since it’s our first time together, well, I thought we have to take someone in need with us. Who else would benefit so much from such a lovely evening? It’s not like he had anywhere else to go, his relatives gone off on an emergency and all”. 

His mustache quivered with each word, dislodging bits of food on to his shirt. His words formed a shield of awe around others noticing. So engrossed were they in his “generosity”.   
Harry couldn’t be bothered to care. It’s not like he wasn’t used on a daily basis anyway. At least this way he got some food out of it for once. If the price of this meal was pretending to be the Dursley’s neighbor, then this would just be the start of a whole new line of fantasies for long hours in his cupboard. 

The word spread around the table about how thoughtful the sweet Dursley’s were. Harry used the time in which they largely ignored him, despite literally talking about him, to finish off his plate. He ate very quickly, nervous that if he didn’t finish it, something would happen to take it away from him. 

The moment he cleared the plate, he realized his mistake. His stomach was bursting! He couldn’t know that this was what happened when you ate too much. It was his first time. It groaned and gurgled, warning him loud and clear against taking anything more. His poor tiny stomach. 

He glanced over at the heaps of food still for the taking and mourned at the loss. He couldn’t think of eating more, he was so full. But he was hungry too often to forget so soon how hunger pangs felt worse than overeating. 

He regretted eating so quickly again when he realized there was nothing left for him to do but sit quietly and wait. 

He took the only option opened to him and listened in on the conversations going on around him. It was hard to hear people when smashed between the two enormous bottoms of his uncle and cousin. They chewed grossly in Harry’s ears on each side. Harry’s stomach churned unpleasantly. 

He wished it would be empty again. He wished he could start over and eat again, only this time portion himself better. He wished it so badly and so hard, he felt the wish moving around in his gut. Snaking and uncoiling until it came up...empty. 

He felt better. completely better. His stomach settled as though he hadn’t eaten a thing. In fact, he could go for some grub. 

What the hell was going on? He decided to think about it while refilling his plate. He was still ignored as he got up and refilled this time only from the foods, he liked best. The plate was considerably less full than it had been the first time. 

What happened to all the food he ate before? Was this a normal thing to happen when people ate too much? Perhaps that is why the Dursleys were always able to eat so much? No, but then why did they get so fat?

Harry had just learned in school about fat. His classmates, along with himself, spend the lesson fighting their instincts to look over to Dudley, fearing his gang's wrath. 

Harry sat back down and ate his meal as though from scratch. This time he savored each bite. He took longer than usual and was spared paying any more attention to the adults.   
By the time Harry was finished, there wasn’t a full plate in the house, and people were starting to stand up and say their goodbyes. 

Chairs screeched and groaned as one by one; each fat man in their own right stood up. they all shook hands with one another in a kind of touching frenzy, leaving no man spared. Even Harry had to shake Dan and Rick’s hand once more, but thankfully no one else. 

The Dursleys got up too, so Harry took that as his cue as well. He felt full again, but this time it was like once before, long ago. Pleasant, sleepy, warm. He was actually looking forward to sleeping for once. 

They walked out with the crowd and after Vernon loitered a bit with long-winded goodbyes, returned to their car.

The way back was thankfully void of strange redheads who may or may not have known his name. Harry rolled the window down and was to his pleasure, continuously ignored. He swallowed the laugh that bubbled up in his throat when the wind returned. He enjoyed it for what it was. 

When they got home, the Dursley’s ordered him to make them dinner, and he wasn’t allowed any. He couldn’t imagine eating more, but he also expected them to ask. They always ate when they returned from anywhere. 

Harry didn’t always know where they went, whether a restaurant or somewhere else. It didn’t matter, tradition was that Harry made dinner whenever they got home. 

So that was exactly what he did. it seemed the day was ending on a normal note. though it would go down in his memory as one extraordinary day. Because that night, Harry Potter went to sleep full and happy. 

END


End file.
